Clarence Speaks.

Part 1

2011-12-01T11:00:00.001-08:00

In an ongoing series. Dissecting famous works of art.

the failings of social media

2011-12-01T08:25:00.001-08:00

Last night, Kyle got out an hour early from a math review. I didn't think I had to pick him up for another hour, so I was watching hulu, far away from my phone's quiet ringtone.

But he, being an ingenious boy, knew other ways to reach me.

twitter.

gmail.

linkedin lol.

fbook.

Jon's right. It doesn't. I went to pick him up because I heard my phone during a commercial break.

Day 6 - Favorite Book Character

2011-11-23T12:24:00.001-08:00

My 30 day drawing challenge is turning more into a 30 week challenge.

This is a rough of Charlotte Doyle, from the book The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle.

Basically, she lives through a mutiny on board the ship by becoming one of the crew. And then at the end, she chooses to stay with the crew instead of going home to her family.

kyle is so great.

2011-11-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

i told him i didn't feel pretty on our wedding day, and i wish i had one picture of me in my dress that i liked. so we drove to rape hill and he took some pictures that turned out waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than I had hoped.

click here to see them.

i drew this girl one time.

2011-11-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

her name's runa.

half her head is shaved.

in other news, this crane fell on my building last month.

2011-11-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

can't wait to go see this.

2011-10-18T13:11:00.001-07:00

hannah wertz.

leyendecker

2011-10-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

You know why I like master copies? Because they're mindless. Copying is easy. Blah blah blah and I learn about composition and color, blah blah. But mostly they just make me feel good, because I pretend I invented the piece.

original.

copy.

the end.

nice to ________ you

2011-10-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan o' Jessica Hische. Hear the dulcet tones of her voice here.
On her website I found a mad lib form she made for her fans that helps one "automatically generate your flattering letter to me [Jessica]."
I punched in my verbs, nouns, etc, and this beauty got sent to her. Click it!

I'm a riot. Fill out your own by venturing here.

Revision

2011-09-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

The bones are better in this one.

Day 5 - Best Friend

2011-09-23T14:16:00.001-07:00

This is the boy I fell in love with.

Day 4

2011-09-23T14:15:00.001-07:00

Favorite place: Kyle's arms

VaIll310

2011-09-16T12:10:00.001-07:00

Here's my revised version of the sketch for my digital painting class, painted b & w. It needs a lot of work still, but I'm learning so much. Advice welcome.

Day 3 - Favorite Food

2011-09-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

Duh.

Day 2 - Animal

2011-09-15T17:08:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon a drawing list that provides you with a subject for 30 days. The first was a self-portrait, but I did that last week so I moved on to numero dos.

Daschshunds are my favorite dogs because they look funny when they run.

A little tribute to the love child of SRC & KWB

2011-09-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

It's me.

Just kiddin'.

My sister and I were talking about life things last night and asked Kyle for some advice, and he preached a lot of wonderful things I'd forgotten were in 7 Habits. Like having daily private victories, aka DPV's.
The theory is you can't contribute to public victories (jobs, families, etc) until you are a whole person, so you must accomplish daily private victories to give yourself a sense of self worth. DPV's are things that make you feel good and nourished, not things that may seem impressive to the outside world like learning another language or making a thousand bucks.
So I hunted through my sketchbook in search of my list of DPV's I'd made once upon a time, and while doing so I remembered that I had another sketchbook of the exact same make and specifications, and I filled it with personal thoughts and drawings until there were only 2 pages left and then I lost it. LOST IT. This pains me twofold:
1. That record of that 5 months of my life is gone, never to be remembered.
2. It's possible some stranger, or worse, SOMEONE I KNOW could have found it and read their fill.

The latter is unlikely. People are respectful, right? However, when I consider that though I call myself a very honest, trustworthy person, I still have no scruples about reading, over their shoulder, the journal of the person in front of me in class when they're writing it (I don't know them, what can it hurt?)...
it seems a lot more plausible.

2011-09-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

For my VAILL310 class.

Inspired by this.

captured on 8.23.2011

2011-08-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

we moved.

2011-08-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

we were welcomed.

2011-08-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

2011-08-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

A U G U S T 2 3 . 2 0 1 1

200% improvement by our good friend Jon:

Srsly. So much better.

Off the paper & into execution

2011-08-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today I viewed this blogpost by my friend's sister, Rachel Thurston.

The video is touching, o' course. But what touched me most was the following quote.

If I have any advice for other human beings out there it’s this: Record Your Life.

As soon as I read it, I thought "Doy! I want to."

{I just typed and subsequently deleted a whole paragraph that tried to express my feelings about blog stereotypes, posing for photographs, and what reality is.

In a nutshell, I fear trying to make my life appear glitzy and perfect.

I don't want to turn into everything I hate about blogs.

In a tinier, pistachio nutshell, I could just change this blog to private and not invite anyone if I really wanted to stop debating what a blog is and should be every time I post something.}

MY NEW GOAL FOR THE NEXT WHILE IS: CREATE AND RECORD MORE THINGS.

AND I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE GOAL IS ALSO INSPIRED BY THIS

So. I'm not trying to capture and sum up my life. I'm just recording parts of it. audio & visual. And posting things I create in an endeavor to inspire myself to create more often. And to work on communicating ideas visually.

There.

and

Here.

Is.

A U G 2 7 . 2 0 1 0

This is how I feel after 8 hours at work.

it's a tired-out question.

2011-08-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

am i weird enough to ever produce great art?
or does achieving the peace in life that i'd like mean that my art and talent lose focus?
is it possible to focus fully on more than one thing?

wahoo for wedding gifs.

2011-07-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

ahem. they're not embedded. so click on them to see them dance.

blah blah blah

2011-07-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

We've had a netflix account for 44 hours.

We've already watched four films.

FOUR.

One movie every 11 hours x 30-day free trial =

61 movies to go.

to fill you in, mom :)

2011-05-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

from Kyle's grandma. that fabric is an apron she made for me.

suzanne and april hendricks

(not married, or in love. i meant suzanne, and april hendricks)

sharmont's genius combo of real gift plus funny gift.

danika. believe it or not, they're salt and pepper shakers.

linddddddsey jordan's beautiful french themed gift. italian? french.

baby paige. there's a headband that punches out of the card!

cassidie's gift of the traditional, coveted mümü

krista roy. read more here and here

i wonder what caused all these lines on the photos.

this be kyle's early birthday present to me.

it's not a torture device.

you use it to massage your scalp.

it feels incredible.

thank you everyone, so so so much!

Rosanne, Val, and Gretch also got me things that I would never post photos of on the internet. But thank you, too :)

who knew?

2011-05-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

found this whilst looking up marriage license info:

canker sore number one has formed.

2011-05-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

last night my bomb.com sister rebecca and best friend breanne threw me a bridal shower. it was so great, once i got over my discomfort at being the center of attention. there was laughing, bacon-wrapped asparagus, and, at one point, 81 skittles in my mouth. i will post photos of the festivities ere long.

for a lack of better ideas for a post

2011-05-03T12:42:00.000-07:00

Here's what I've been working on at Independent Study:

guess who's more excited.

2011-04-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

and this post will be where i upload jpgs i'm afraid of misplacing.

2011-04-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

found here

2011-04-17T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today Kyle and I saw a couple on a walk at the park, hands entwined. They were, to say the least, frumpy. I pointed at them and said "Maybe we think we don't look like that,
but we look like that to other people."

Kyle: "No way. We look like those people who don't love each other."

And here's a sneak peak at our announcement.

Kyle gave me a new ring since I broke my porcelain one.

It's white plastic.

I love it.

proof.

2011-03-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

I really am engaged.

Trevor Christensen provided the following.

I can't say enough good things about him & his photography.

The reason we're laughing in most of these is because of him.

If my blog were more famous, this would result in greater business opportunities for him.

Sorry Trevor. I'll get there.

And then I'll pretend to get married again, and repost these.

what a day.

2011-03-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days where I was obliged to draw extra strength from many things around me.

1. Someone I love & trust very much repeated inspiring things to me that I told him once.

2. I listened to this song:

3. I read this passage:

16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; & my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen & heard. 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great & marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations & the sins which do so easily beset me....[description of how the Lord has blessed Nephi] 26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his great condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep & my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, & my flesh waste away, & my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? 27 & why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace & afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? 28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, & give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

-from 2nd Nephi 4

4. I prayed.

It was a good recipe for peace. I'd recommend it.
I think I went a little heavy on the ampersands, though. I don't recommend that.

I'm so grateful for the testimony I gained today of hope & and diligence. And for divine help.

my favorite screenshot of 3.10.11

2011-03-10T14:36:00.000-08:00

the cat. on the cloud. why?

look what i ffffound

2011-03-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

jon contino. wonderfully inspiring hand lettering and graphic design.

also, i'm considering this as a headpiece for my wedding.

i bought this for my wedding. i am excited.

2011-03-03T23:04:00.000-08:00

from this wonderful lady's shop

2011-02-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

after years of hearing to beware of e-mails like this, i was so excited to finally find one in my spam.

it feels like an internet coming-of-age.

what i've been up to

2011-01-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to say.

2010-11-13T19:04:00.000-08:00

Trying to write a blogpost when you have nothing to say feels even worse than sitting down to write a 10-page paper. Harder, anyhow. There's absolutely no prompt, since blogging can and should be about anything. Logically, this lack of parameters should make it easier for me to write something here; there's so many options, why don't I just pick one and get on with it? But the following thought pattern is also logical to me: the vastness of the number of things I could write about gives greater import to whatever I say here. This is what I imagine people reading blogs thinking: the author could have written about anything, but out of everything that could be said, he/she chose to write this. So it must really matter to him/her.
That's really why this is harder than a 10-page paper. I think what I say here has to say a lot about me, it has to be the best, it has to seem valuable to other people, and it'll define me as a person. The title of this post is a lie. I do have things to say, I have lots of things to say. I think tons of things. I have opinions. I have testimonies. I have people I want to blather on and on about, because I'm in love with them. I'm just scared of saying something sincerely and then having it disregarded. Because that hurts. Maybe I should think about it differently, though. If I'm being sincere and honest, in any venue, be it speech, text, or song, why should I care what the reception of it is? I don't want to cast my "pearls" before swine, but only because I don't like watching my pearls be dirtied, disrespected, or unappreciated, not because I'm trying to obey that scripture.
I want to do more things because I want to. I want to not cater to people's needs. I don't think it's honest. I'm torn between my belief that humans should be accommodating and my belief that censorship and self-restraint aren't always honest. I'm a black-and-white thinker who wants to see the gray, which, in and of itself, is a black-and-white and gray statement. I'm a ball of contradictions, that's what I am. I don't know what to write or talk or think or speak when there's no audience I'm catering to. Even when I'm writing in my journal, I'm my own audience. I guess I'll always be there to hear what I have to say. That's inescapable. One of my greatest wishes is to be able to communicate without letting people's reactions govern the next sentence I say or movement I make, or how I feel about myself.
I've been reading this course I'm illustrating at work called "Self Reliance: How to Eliminate Stress and Be True to Yourself." It talks about how we all have an opinion of what is the best action in everything, and when we're true to ourself we feel happy, and when we betray that belief we've betrayed ourselves and become unhappy and stressed. I want to be truer to myself and my beliefs. I want to make things I think are beautiful and throw them out into the world and not care what people say about them, not wait for a response. I want to eliminate things that don't matter. I want to not expect anything, but still be able to appreciate blessings, and not expect them after I've appreciated them. I want to always have a desire to change, not out of dissatisfaction with myself, but because I'm humble enough to realize I can always improve.
Oof.
Told you. Lots of things.

these things; they're all i need.

2010-10-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

hong chung zhang

2010-10-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

here's her website

me when i was cute and 12, and what i'll look like when i get married.

2010-10-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

the left. i'll look like the guy on the left.

no.

2010-10-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

my roommate wants to start a band. she wants to call it [as you read the following,
please notice your gut reaction and any images your mind may immediately flit to]

"the bangs and the bows."

i think this name will cause double-takes, stifled laughter, and ridicule.
also hellfire.
she thinks it's about our hairstyles and accoutrements.
what say ye?

on second thought. it doesn't look that inappropriate when it's written. so please turn some music on, wait for your roommate or your grandmother to ask who the band is, and then say "THE BANGS AND THE BOWS, G-MAW." emphasis on the bang.
and theeeeeeeeeeeeeen see what happens.
please. please reassure me that i don't have a dirty mind, that it really just is a poor, poor choice of band name.

2010-10-08T13:29:00.000-07:00

The TAL from this week was a repeat, so I listened to my favorite of all time. The whole episode is really interesting, but my favorite story starts in the 33rd minute. When I die, I want to have just one lil' old tale from my life that is as crazy as this one.

speaking of alphabet books...

2010-10-05T13:26:00.001-07:00

i love this:
http://elvisaaron.tumblr.com/post/1241213988

mmmmmmmmpft.

2010-09-29T23:08:00.000-07:00

the above title is how i choose to onomatopoetically represent the sound of restraint/a groan/pain. no, that doesn't say a groin pain. it looks like it, though.

i typed mmmmmmpft (note_the number of m's is optional and indicates level of vehemence. the vehemence of the groin pain) many a time this evening as i g-chatted with my friend cassi. because. she went on a date with a boy who is now constantly blogging about his love for her. that is always awkward to read. i'm in love with a boy, but i don't blog about it. maybe i should, so someone can gripe about me like i'm griping about him.

bureallymaybeishouldn'tjudgehimperhapshehasamuchhighercapacityforlovethanido.

i linked her to this article in an effort to help. she just loffed. loffed as if a wikihow article authored by such reliable sources as teresa, foxglove, and ohiomike didn't engender change deep within her. pffffffft. that's how i type my scoffs.

my dad has bested me at the google game. he found what i could not, and in about half the time. i remembered reading and loving an alphabet book when i was a kid that was full of difficult vocabulary words, like "k is for kleptomaniac" and "v is for vacillate," but couldn't find it online. daddy-o came through when i asked for help, though. here 'tis.

each of the 26 words has a story/pun to help you remember the meaning. here's a quote from a customer review:

In the first story, Benjamin Van Der Bellows, a bear "who did not know the things he was supposed to know" is moved each time he makes a mistake to an office on a lower floor. Predictably, he winds up in the basement. "So, whenever a person has been lowered in position or rank or office, we say that person has suffered an abasement."

genius. i would love love love love love to just write and illustrate books like this for the rest of my life. and choose a text for the title that doesn't have a rainbow gradient.

my friend kelsey is going to change the world someday. please read this blogpost and don't judge her, just appreciate her. i'm sure if you don't know her, if you can't see her face in your head, her pretty little face with a pretty little beauty mark to the left of her philtrum, you might think she sounds angsty. and if you're not familiar with her pretty, not little at all, humble brain, you might think she sounds snobby. but she's really not. she's a genius. if you still hate her, read this one, and try to love her like i love the boy that loves cassi. but better.

lastly, i thoroughly enjoyed watching april almost throw up when we watched this video. and there was much mmmmmpfting, too.

"miced bread." hahaha. i bet the writer yelped with joy when he had that epiphany.

colin hey he's ugly.

2010-07-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

ofttimes i listen to bands without knowing what they look like. ofttimes i really like the bands i listen to. enough that i eventually google their faces. ofttimes when i see their faces, i think "but of course." kind of like the first day of relief society in a new ward when they make everyone stand up, introduce themselves, and say their major, and all the girls with perky smiles and fake flowers in their hair say "and my major is elementary ed!" and all the pony-tailed girls with floor-length denim skirts on simply mutter "physics."
i really like it when my preconceived notions match the truth, and even expect it sometimes. so when i googled colin hay last week because of his wonderful song s from garden state, i was expecting someone who looked how his music sounds to me: quiet, bearded, bashful, unassuming, and hermit-like. instead, i found this picture.

he is dead to me. forever.

i love technology.

2010-07-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

but not when i'm sitting on an automatic toilet and it flushes before i'm done.

here are some strange things that make me happy

2010-07-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

this week i went to wendy's twice in two days. and on the next day, i tried to go for round 3, but my plan was foiled by stadium of fire traffic.

i was so close to tasting real happiness.

sometimes, when just wearing a t-shirt and undies, i like to wait right outside the bathroom door while april is showing and when she comes out, dance off to our bedroom yelling "no pants! no pants!" whilst swinging my hips from side to side.

she loves it.

kyle saw his childhood hero mark eaton at the rodeo. he then decided to and succeeded in touching mark's butt.

when my ward was singing at a nursing home today this one craaaaazy old man was all "it's not the 1920's."
and i said, "you're right, it's not."
and he said "so why is your hair like that?"
and then i remembered that i look like a flapper.
subsequently, he cussed.

alison told us a story about how at girls' camp her only friend were these two fat girls (if that had been the end of the story i still would have thought it was funny) and when they were coming back from swimming the two chunkers were talking about how much they hate it when their thighs chafe. alison didn't know what chafing meant. but when they glared at her because she was skinny, she wanted to fit in so she said "oh my thighs totally chafe too."
fitting in with the fat girls is harder than i thought. ha. punny.

this:

me and april put black cats under paige and hannah's toilet seat and are just waiting to scare the crap out of them. hopefully literally.

and megan thorkinschlepmep.

2010-06-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

found here

2010-06-18T10:03:00.001-07:00

2010-06-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

2010-06-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

where have you been?

2010-06-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

dear couple that canoodles in plain sight of my living room window,

i haven't seen you in forever. it's been at least a week since i've looked out my window and across to your kitchen window and seen the two of you locked in one of your passionate embraces. now you just keep your blinds closed all day. what, is it because you got tired of seeing me and my roommates all gesticulating at you and critiquing your form and talking about how strange it was that you started making out backwards while you were doing the dishes? if you'd prefer, we could try to stop pointing. we'll just sit still in silence and watch, creepily. please please please consider letting us back into your life. because the truth is...

we don't have a tv.

this is the best song i've heard in months.

2010-05-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

it's all about the non-diegetic sound

2010-05-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

Paige showed me this video today. I said to her, "Sloths? Really?" but then watched it anyway. And something incredible happened. Every motherly instinct gene inside me stood up and screamed "Love and nurture offspring!"

April was watching it too. April who, as we all know, is constantly full of hate. At 0:20 she said "I really don't want to think these are cute, but they kind of are." At 0:30 she said "Awwwww, I want one!"

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

Sloths are gross. Their noses are wet. They squint like they're elderly. They are basically slow, pudgy monkeys with claws. But the song playing in the background and the editing made these sloths look absolutely adorable, even when one was grabbing the camerawoman's finger and pulling it threateningly towards its mouth (1:22). So I wondered what the video would feel like with a different soundtrack.

Mute the sloth video, press play on the one below, wait about 18 seconds, and then full screen the sloth one and watch it. If you do it right, some of the beats will perfectly sync with the shots. And it will rid you of your newfound love of sloths.

Then watch it again with the sound from the video below and realize that all sloths look super stoned all the time.

quotes from tom russell's film class

2010-05-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

on everyone being entitled to their opinion:

“but some opinions are absolutely retarded.”

“my husband paid $100 thousand for my companionship.”

on unattractive protagonists:

“can’t our heroes have pooches?"

“we’re the best. we’re number one. everyone else is 2 or lower.”

after a car explodes in 'touch of evil':

“that’s what happens when charlton heston kisses you.”

in the middle of lecture:

“oh, did i tell you? a woman vomited at one of my kid’s concerts the other day.”

on his TA john forbyn:

“if you’re in john’s lab, pants and beat him after class.”

“the prostitute that just sits downstairs and sings to the guys...that’s the part i always play in the movies.”

on dana carvey:

“oh dana, you fool...i think i like boys now.”

“she was really busty. and kind of tacky busty.”

on crying on command:

“you just say ‘i want tears’ and tears come out. i don’t know how they do that. i think they’re in league with the devil.”

“i’m going to go spay and neuter all my pets just to bring bob barker back.”

2010-05-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

today, instead of working, i looked up "fanny pack" on wikipedia. like all wikipedia articles, the article was very informative and scintillating.

The handiness and ease of opening of fanny packs has also resulted in them being used as holsters for storing loaded handguns. Many manufacturers make fanny packs that are designed for concealed carry.

my dad is a funny jerk.

2010-05-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

e-mail from my dad to me:

Claire - I learned today that Michael Pack from our ward is running
in the same marathon as you ...

Love, Dad

my reply:

utah valley? i'm sure he runs at least 7 minute miles, if not faster. find out? and then tell him i run 20 seconds faster than whatever he does. please and thank you.
-claire

from my dad to me and michael pack:

Here you go, ball's in your court now Michael ...

My daughter has been known to trash talk a bit.

Steve

Begin forwarded message:

From: Claire Plimpton
Date: May 10, 2010 11:22:18 AM MDT
To: plimpton
Subject: Re: marathon

- Hide quoted text -
utah valley? i'm sure he runs at least 7 minute miles, if not faster. find out? and then tell him i run 20 seconds faster than whatever he does. please and thank you.

On Sun, May 9, 2010 at 9:31 PM, plimpton <plimpton.sd@gmail.com> wrote:
Claire - I learned today that Michael Pack from our ward is running
in the same marathon as you ...

Love, Dad

point for dad.

today i was texting someone while i was on the toilet and i realized that i'd never been happier in my life.

2010-05-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

2010-05-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

genius.

i am constantly amazed at how teeth can make or break someone's attractiveness.

2010-04-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

i obviously can't cite any specific examples of people i know or else this blog would just be rude.
-er than it already is.
but you know what i'm talking about. you see a person in public and start to dig their chili, and then they glance over and smile or start talking to someone they know, and display their chompers. if their teeth are straight and their gums don't show too much, you can go take a bite of that chili. but sometimes they're not straight or they're way too big or way too small and you can see 2 inches of gum and your insides start to twist and you run away.
screaming.
on the flip side, sometimes you see someone who's average-looking, and then they flash those pearly whites that obviously got some serious loving from an orthodontist because they are perfectly spaced and arranged and gleam in the moonlight. and then you'll do anything to make that person smile. and fall in love and reproduce and try to preserve that good bone structure for generations.

i once asked a friend what the most important body parts of a girl were to him, and he immediately said "butt, legs, feet, face." but i submit that it's just "teeth, teeth, teeth, everything else."

this is sick.

2010-04-16T17:26:00.001-07:00

Broken Fingaz -Graffiti Stop Motion from Broken Fingaz on Vimeo.

inspired by as you like it.

2010-04-01T02:17:00.000-07:00

I'm going to learn how to play the harmonica at the same time I play the guitar.

And then I'm never going to try at anything else for the rest of my life.

Because that's basically the biggest achievement you can make.

haha.

2010-03-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

some mates.

2010-03-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

these are my current roomies:

here's chavon, who is surprisingly not black.

she has very good bone structure and very good jokes. she is very nice and polite when she asks me to do the dishes. far politer than she ought to be, considering i've done the dishes a grand total of two times this whole semester. what a deadbeat dad i am.

this is a photo of chavon in idaho. she is looking crazy and putting shoes on her head. probably because idaho is boring.

there's her sister, colleen, who hates being called "wench."

this is colleen being fake upset. she is hardly ever really upset. one time i thought she was because she and chavon seemed to be having an argument and i felt awkward because i was the only other person in the room and was avoiding eye contact and about to leave and then colleen laughed and said "Claire! We're just fake fighting!"

gay.

colleen makes idle threats a lot. like, "i'm going to kill you." the photo below shows her idle threat face.

and here's valerie with her parents. they appear to be grumpy at the moment.

valerie is dating an asian. the two of them are very funny together. and she spanked me the first day we were roommates. that's when i knew this semester was gonna be something special. here are some pants she wears sometimes.

next semester i move in with these things:

here's paige, ginger of all gingers.

paige is very multi-faceted. she acts. she does efy. she writes for the DU. she cooks. she sings. she makes awkward noises when i make her uncomfortable. her legs are very pale. that is why she is the ginger of all gingers.

look at 'em!

here's hannah the hippie.

she really is. she wears flannel and likes campfire smell at all times and goes barefoot and loves everyone and OWNS A COPY OF WALDEN. she even churns her own butter in her trash can.

and here's april. or as i like to call her, the face that launched a thousand ships.

i can tell what april is thinking by the way she purses her lips. and when i tell her this she gets quiet and purses her lips in a way that means she is thinking "i feel very uncomfortable that claire is looking at my lips."

this is april celebrating oktoberfest, as she does annually.

i really really really really really like all 6 of them.

AND THAT'S PROBABLY WHY I NEVER GET ANY HOMEWORK DONE.

i never meant to be a heartbreaker.

2010-03-23T19:47:00.001-07:00

2010-02-10T07:31:00.002-08:00

it's one of those days.

one of those days where every single boy on BYU campus looks delicious to me.

2010-02-10T07:31:00.001-08:00

please go to this website: http://www.joe-ks.com/babies.htm

make sure your volume is turned up.

creepy, huh?

and this should come as a surprise to no one

2010-01-26T23:08:00.000-08:00

i took an online ADD test.

i scored a 94.

70 and above means you "very likely

have adult attention deficit disorder."

after the diagnosis, the website had

the html for a graphic it recommended

i put on my web page. (really?)

look at my crazy little red and yellow add brain go.

new goal.

2010-01-17T02:34:00.000-08:00

this girl - - - - - - - >

< - - - let me borrow this

so i can learn to do this - - - >

mama likey.

2010-01-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

the following were found at ffffound.com:

urbandic is ridic.

2009-12-31T01:32:00.000-08:00

urbandictionary.com is hilarious,

albeit often inappropriate. but what great things aren't thus?

i was looking up some stuff tonight and ended up typing my name.

holy awesomeness ensued:

	claire approach	7 up, 7 down
	buy claire approach mugs, tshirts and magnets The Claire Approach is a superb new academic method being exercised by children across the globe. Originating in the east side of MilwaukeeGhettoAss Wisconsin by a young struggling teen of fifteen years of age. Ckat exerted her incredible knack for doing absolutely nothing. Noticing that this approach made life one HELL of a lot easier Ckat continued to use this approach for just about everything. Tests, homework, and just life in general. Because remember kids, "the harder you try the less you succeed." Mcrab: "Freaking grease***** assigned this HUGE paper on the freaking transendentalists!!!!" Ckat: "No worries, just use the CLAIRE APPROACH." Mcrab: "NICE!"

	claire bear	76 up, 11 down
	buy claire bear mugs, tshirts and magnets a type of bear found only in ireland, some say it is the soundest,best looking, nicest bear ever to exist i want to catch the claire bear because i really like it.

	Claire dance	5 up, 1 down
	buy claire dance mugs, tshirts and magnets A wonderful dance in which a cute girl smiles her lovely smile moves her head from side to side while pointing her two index finger beside her face, in unison with her head motions. She was adorable looking becuase she did the claire dance

	Claire	634 up, 96 down
	buy claire mugs, tshirts and magnets Beautiful and perfect in every way. Wow, she looks like a Claire...A+

and my favorite:

claire spaz 2 up, 24 down
buy claire spaz mugs, tshirts and magnets
the claire spaz consists of a girl fainting at sight of blood from diabetic boy, cosequently getting her head stuck under the cabinet of the black board in her classroom

she then continuously shakes and spazms, frequently pukes and makes a noise resembling...brraaaa, brphmmmm, brrrrruuuuuup etc

she finally breaks free and is directed to the bathroom leaving a trail of puke splodges on the way....which are later covered up with sawdust.

NICE

girl: pah! ewww that girl is having a claire spaz.

boy: i thought she got shot through the window.

boy 2: i thought she was pregnant and fainted.

teacher: everyone go to the cloakroom.

2009-12-27T23:11:00.000-08:00

i want this.

2009-12-21T17:54:00.000-08:00

the following is an excerpt from a conversation held in a car driving on I-40 at approximately 4:47 pm on 12.20.09:

clarenceptown: ...i just want to date an art student.

stevenjplimpton: i really think you should consider the financial stability that can come from dating an engineer.

clarenceptown: really? are you really saying this?

stevenjplimpton: listen---

the most important thing to me is your happiness.

the second most important thing is i don't ever want you to borrow money from me.

assignment: color.

2009-12-11T00:33:00.000-08:00

assignment: light.

2009-12-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

2009-12-05T00:18:00.000-08:00

this makes it 3 posts in a row that are youtube videos.

suffice it to say, i think it's obvious how i've been spending my time lately.

2009-12-02T20:58:00.001-08:00

one time my friend matt clicked on a youtube video that said

"bigfoot caught on tape! amazing footage!"

and this is what he saw:

words fail me.

it was so

stupid.

i have never laughed harder in my entire life.

what i learned from a sunday afternoon of youtube

2009-11-29T16:38:00.001-08:00

michael jackson sang that abc song i learned from a burger king commercial. so i always just thought it was a stupid burger king song

sometimes he makes people faint a lot

that part in monsters inc where they do the musical at the end, they're doing a satire of a michael jackson song

the carpenters believed in extra terrestrials

donny osmond went to byu

and knew michael jackson

boyzone sounds like the next frozen yogurt place in provo

wa tch this

hanson is still producing music. who knew?

their stuff reminds me of high school

clarissa explains it all is DUMB

also, there's a whole song named "claire"

my first thought: aw. that'd be cool if a boy sang this to me someday

then i realized it's a song about his daughter

dream shattered

2009-11-23T23:15:00.000-08:00

it's really too bad i don't have a boyfriend.

because today i shaved my legs and they were painfully nice to touch.

2009-11-20T15:52:00.001-08:00

today i went to

and my burger had oh so much lettuce in it.

at first i felt very much perturbed, until i realized...

i finally found a hamburger with enough lettuce to support my shoe fetish.

2009-11-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

i want to say the following:

music is the best thing ever.

today i was walking home

and i felt gross

and awful.

and then i listened to grace kelly by mika.

and all of a sudden

i was strutting

and felt like

the coolest shiz

in the world.

try it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjxDRWiyMbU

p to the ffffffffffffffffff.

2009-11-13T01:07:00.001-08:00

you know how if you're cuddling or

kissing someone and another person

walks in, you don't really feel that

awkward?

but if YOU walk in a couple, you

feel like you just got flashed?

no matter how hard i try to

remember that i never really

feel that imposed upon when

i get walked in on, i can never

remember it long enough

to not feel terribly awkward

when i interrupt some peeps.

so this happened the other

night when i went with my

friend breanne to give her

friend kelsey a reel. and

by reel i mean some

construction paper in the

shape of a reel of film

that said "you're reel great."

[she's really smart]

we knock on the door, kind of

just walk in, and interrupt a

couple. a super-entwined couple,

might i add. the girl gets

kelsey, we walk to the doorway

between the hall and living

room to chat with the reely

great girl, and chick number

one returns to her lover's embrace.

not that bad. actually felt

less awkward than i expected.

i'm totally zoned in on the

conversation between breanne

and kelsey until the word

"tickle" grabs my attention.

the chick on the couch

just said it to her boyfriend,

in the following sentence:

"sometimes it tickles more than others, and i think you're starting to figure that out."

she then went "ohp!" and

started laughing, kind of

like she realized there were

OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.

but maybe that wasn't the

reason for the ohp, because

she just kept on talking about it.

"sometimes, when you go like this..." long pause "yeah. or this."

now, i have always been

grateful for the gift of hearing,

but...

i was REALLY grateful on this

particular evening.

[because i immediately realized

the experience was perfect

fodder for my blog]

after a while, i realized

with relief that they were

talking about tickling

each other's love handles

or something, rather than

each other's tongues.

then we left.

2009-11-08T23:48:00.001-08:00

i like these 3 things.

2009-11-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

2009-11-05T18:26:00.000-08:00

even though some songs are written by lesbians, i can still manage to learn said songs on the guitar and sing them with virtually no gross feelings that i am singing something tainted.

i really really hate mexican candy. it makes me want to barf.

today i was watching a youtube disney video called "black stereotypes" (for a paper i'm writing) and i realized there was a black guy next to me. and i didn't know whether to feel awkward or not. dumb.

i was on hulu once, twice, okay maybe 17 times last week when i was sick, and i saw a link that said "new halloween movies available." i thought "oh yeah, i forgot hulu has not just tv shows but movies, it is awesome i love hulu it's so addicting holy crap this is the best idea ever" and clicked the link and saw that the exorcism of emily rose was one of the offered movies. now, that movie is of the devil. literally. it's based on a true story of an attempted exorcism by some catholics. they used a tape recorder to record the exorcism, and the actual tape is played as the audio in the film. emily grace freaks out when they try to cast spirits from her and runs out to the barn and says she's 7 different people, one of whom was "with Cain" and one of whom is lucifer. peachy. also the time the spirits came to her was exactly 3 in the morning, and other characters in the film also experience terrible, freaky things, always at 3 am. it's been 5 months since i saw it, but even now, if i'm ever up at 3 am, i get super freaked out. i hope by now i've sufficiently gotten my point across that the movie is fetching scary. so i saw it was available on hulu, so i clicked it, somewhat disbelievingly. even as i clicked it i thought "why am i doing this, i don't want to see ANY part of it ever again." as the movie started to load, the precursory ad played and said: THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS BROUGHT TO YOU WITH LIMITED COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTION BY.... DISNEY PARKS. i laughed out loud. so hard. i wonder if disney knows they're sponsoring that. i should tell them. and then say hey give me an illustration job.

i know 3 types of people right now:

---girls leaving on missions

---girls who are engaged

---boys who are über single

i'm really glad rachel stolworthy and sydney schindler have boyfriends. good for them. (i guess they directly violate the above paragraph, but i think they may soon be engaged. they're on their way)

cassi elton is almost stateside again.

(she has a boyfriend and so semi-fits into my categories. hmmm. perhaps i need more than 3. but 3 was such a succinct, pleasing amount. i was just trying to simplify my life)

this boy next to me in the library wrote a poem for his english class about marriage and i read it when he wasn't looking. i cannot decide if this was creepy or not. it was a good poem, so it's not that creepy because it's more like me appreciating good literature than peering into someone's journal. also, it's a public library. and the screen is like 24 inches. anyone could walk up and read it anytime. also, i almost told him i liked it. cause the last line was "i want to make sure i don't simply get married to avoid loneliness." it really struck a chord in me, because i'm super lonely and just want to be with someone, but i should want to get married so i can make someone else happy and serve them...plus the fringe benefits. SO i almost told him his poem was really good, but i was too afraid of his reaction so i just watched him log off and walk away.

but i think that because i didn't tell him "good poem," i lose and i'm going to diagnose it as creepy.

on tuesday the 200 boys that attend BYU that i actually find super attractive were all over campus.

saying "that's so presh presh" makes me feel like this and this:

today i took these pictures in my photo class. it is hard to remember what f-stop means versus aperture and iso.

for paris.

2009-11-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

2009-11-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

thought:

people either love your tongue or they hate it.

they either want to be touched by it as much as possible, or never at all.

weird.

2009-10-31T13:02:00.001-07:00

here is some art i have done.

2009-10-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

went to the expressive panda the other day with matt. when he read his fortune, he started laughing out loud and said "i'm a terrible person."

i asked why but he told me to open mine first. so i did, and then i understood.

my fortune was friggin mocking me.

most disturbing costume ever

2009-10-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

2009-10-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

this is sick.

2009-10-11T00:34:00.000-07:00

today i got a blister.

i really like popping zits.

and draining blisters.

and i think i'd be really really really good at lancing boils for a living.

what is a boil, you might ask?

scurry.

2009-10-10T01:26:00.001-07:00

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ISOLATING A FEW WORDS ON A PAGE THAT MAKES THEM SEEM SO DANG PROFOUND.

WHEN THERE'S ALL THAT EXTRA SPACE AROUND THEM, I FIRST THINK: "THIS ISOLATION MUST MEAN SOMETHING. UNINSPIRING WORDS AREN'T ENTITLED TO THAT MUCH ROOM. SO THIS SENTENCE MUST BE LIKE, SUPER SUPER TRUE. I SHALL ADOPT IT AS MY MANTRA AND OBEY IT ALL THE DAYS OF ME LIFE. GOOD THING I STUMBLED UPON THIS LITTLE PEARL OF WISDOM."

but then i think "pffffffffff. nah. some average human being just decided they liked the way it sounds. and it's dangerous to take the words someone else says and assume they'll answer everything for you.

well, unless it's GOD."

2009-10-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

so i really like this song.

by the way...it just happens to be by a tiny white kid. i think he's 12.

yes. i am cool.

2009-10-06T22:44:00.000-07:00

this is what i did

instead of homework

today.

2009-10-06T00:12:00.000-07:00

i FEEL like SUCH an ADULT.

i'm reading a non-fiction book of my own free will. luckily, it's amazing. so at least i'm not maturing due to something LAME, like...i don't even know. taxes? unexpected pregnancy?

did you know most people who are "depressed" are really just pessimistic?

did you know that a normal depression, like one you would fall into after a breakup or getting fired, can be turned into a debilitating, deep depression if you are pessimistic?

did you know you can make yourself sick just by thinking too much?

did you know that it's more optimistic to go get drunk after something crappy happens than to sit at home and stew about it?

i took the test.

you can take it HERE

turns out, i'm like a huuuuuge pessimist.

so here's the kicker: DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU'RE PESSIMISTIC, YOU WILL CONSISTENTLY PERFORM WORSE (IN SCHOOL, THE WORKPLACE AND SPORTS) THAN YOUR POTENTIAL????

daaaaaaaaaaang gina. i mean, i'm doing alright, but to think that i could be doing so much better if i just changed my thought processes a bit is flooring.

this is the author.

he seems pretty cool.

also, he is smiling.

good thing.

also, he looks like a

jewish guy from queens

on his way to become

a godfather.

i like him.

also, click this

2009-10-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

i don't know why i think i'm better than people. i'm really not.

sometimes i look at people and i'm not excited to talk to them. that's really gay of me. they're probably the coolest people out there.

	claire spaz	2 up, 24 down
	buy claire spaz mugs, tshirts and magnets the claire spaz consists of a girl fainting at sight of blood from diabetic boy, cosequently getting her head stuck under the cabinet of the black board in her classroom she then continuously shakes and spazms, frequently pukes and makes a noise resembling...brraaaa, brphmmmm, brrrrruuuuuup etc she finally breaks free and is directed to the bathroom leaving a trail of puke splodges on the way....which are later covered up with sawdust. NICE girl: pah! ewww that girl is having a claire spaz. boy: i thought she got shot through the window. boy 2: i thought she was pregnant and fainted. teacher: everyone go to the cloakroom.