My next door neighbors' names are Sarah and Jane Anne. Great girls; they're super nice and fun. They're also honest about their quirks. Like the fact that they occasionally laugh so hard that they pee their pants. I caught wind of this fact a couple days after I moved into Heleman Halls. And thought nothing much of it, other than, "That's weird and kind of sick." But I really should have remembered their propensity for peeing...(this is called "foreshadowing")

To get to the point: One Sunday night, Sarah and Jane Anne came into mine and Aleisha's room to chill. It got to be about one or two in the morning, and we weren't exactly observing the no-laughing-and-screaming-loudly-after-11pm rule. We couldn't help it though; it's not our fault that we happen to be the four most fetching hilarious people at BYU. While in this uproarious state of hilarity, a comment was made that, when taken out of context, is feebly amusing (at best). However, the circumstances were such that we all nearly laughed to death. Sara had to drop to all fours to release her guffaws, which is where the problem, I believe, started: it was a pose far too conducive to urination. So she let it out. All of it. And the fluid traveled out of her body, through her pants, and onto our CARPET. I didn't notice any of this until I heard Sarah's little voice squeal "I peed, I peed my pants!" Then Aleisha gasped and pointed at the floor. I couldn't believe it. She'd actually soiled our carpet because she was laughing so hard. Who knew that actually happens!

And then Jane Anne found Sarah peeing on our floor so dang funny that she laughed until she peed her pants too. This time I got to see the entire trip that the urine took...because it was dripping down her legs. About this time, Aleisha and I figured we should probably get out of there before anything else came out, if you know what I mean. So we ran down the hallway, laughing in half amusement and half shock. I turned around to glance back at our room and saw this:
It was the most pitiful yet hilarious thing I've ever seen in my life. Jane Anne and Sarah were crawling out of our room in a defeated position with ashamed looks on their faces, still laughing uncontrollably.

Though I was initially ticked because the deposits of pee were right next to MY bed and not Aleisha's, I was the one who made their bladders rupture, so I suppose that's karma.
Also, they were sitting on my bed two seconds before the accident, so it could have been MUCH WORSE. All in all, they cleaned it up for us and you can't even see the stains anymore. But the memory will live on in my heart forever.

Here are some of the better quotes from that evening:
"You're such a Bohemian. Bohemians have no sense of fashion."
"We had to be all RIPE for conference."
"I didn't have an ounce of liquid in me to pee out before you made me laugh."
"Sorry to pee and run, but my legs are starting to sting!"

I wish this all had a moral...maybe don't make incontinent friends? Just kidding Sarah and Jane Anne, thank you so much for giving me such a great story that I will entertain the masses with for years to come. Mazel tov!


Meg Duffy said...

well done Claire, well done. This is a post to beat all other posts, this is a post for the hall of fame. You are a gifted child.

Anna said...

I CANNOT believe I just found your blog! Though that is EXTREMELY creepsauce, I plan on routinely stalking it. So PLEASE update it more often... you gots style, girl!

Amor y paz.